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May 17, 2018

Name one good thing that's happened to you this year...

Sometimes, well, most of the time, when you have depression coupled with social anxiety, you can make things so much worse than it really is. I've been blaming myself, questioning myself, wondering what *I* did wrong, what *I* might have said wrong, if *I* had pushed too much. Maybe *I* wasn't supportive enough.

Maybe it wasn't me at all. Maybe it was them. Maybe something in their lives made them decide to cut all ties without any explanation, ignoring my emails, my communications. Maybe they'll reconnect when they have their issues dealt with.

I have so few close friends, and I guess with the physical distance between us, it was easier for them to move on. I've been dealing with the "mourning" aspect, and I have my moments, but I think I've cleared the most painful hurdle of it all.

ANYWAY...let's move on to happy things, shall we?

Name one good thing that's happened to you this year, so far...

December, of last year, I received a very welcome surprise. My Mom and Dad found airline tickets to Taiwan at a reasonable cost. Now, we'd already been planning to travel to Taiwan together, but we'd planned it to be October or November of this year, but one of my dream goals was to go to Taiwan during Chinese New Year, a notoriously expensive time to travel to any Asian country, but somehow, my parents pulled a rabbit from the hat.

Mom and I flew to Taiwan Jan 31st and we spent February rekindling memories (the last time I'd been back was in 1986), visiting with family members, meeting a LOT of new family members, and learning more about my Taiwanese heritage by living it.

We split travel and food, but she paid airfare and hotel, as a treat and sort of "inheritance", to build a lasting memory together.

It was wonderful! Exciting, and yet felt like home. I didn't want to leave.

We're planning a return trip in two years; with the plan to take my husband with us. If we can swing the cost, of course.

They say travel is good for the soul, that everyone should experience traveling to new places and new cultures- but they sure don't make it very easy for people like us to afford it!

So, what good thing has happened to you this year?

May 6, 2018

What I feel today...

I'm suppose to write about what or how I'm feeling today.

This one is going to be difficult for me.

As most of you know, I suffer from depression and social anxiety. Today is one of my down days. Actually, this week has been difficult. I'm mourning the loss of a friend.

I've come to the realization that maybe I wasn't good enough, or I've done something wrong. I really have no idea though.

Ghosting sucks, people. In this day and age, there's no excuse for it. As easy as it is to send an email, a text message, a FB messenger message...there's NO reason why there can't be some sort of final note.

I would rather get my feelings hurt with a simple, "I think, after all these years, we've just grown apart and I don't want to be friends anymore" than absolutely nothing. The first gives me a reason, the second leaves me wondering and doubting myself.

Maybe I expect too much from people. Maybe I just suck at being a friend. Maybe I have no concept of friendship.

What I feel today is hurt.

April 29, 2018

20 Random Facts About Me...

Taking a break from plot outlining...

I used to be a write by the seat of my pants type of writer, but I'm finding it more and more difficult to get my word counts in. I'm almost rushing as I write - then I peter out in the middle. So, my WIP is stalled and I'm going back to plot outline, to give me a map.

In the meantime, while taking a break from that and enjoying a cup of London Fog, here's my blog post.

1. I am bi-cultural - Taiwanese American.
2. No, I do not speak Chinese.
3. I have Depression and Social Anxiety.
4. I LOVE to cook - just not for a career. Tried it once, got burned out on it and hated to cook at home.
5. I would LOVE to live in Taiwan, or at least, visit more often.
6. I prefer Taiwanese and Chinese food over American.
7. Kwan Yin is my patron Goddess - I am a folkloric Buddhist.
8. I am a licensed falconer.
9. I LOVE tea!
10. I used to write poetry.
11. I love recording EVPs (electronic voice phenomena).
12. I have had many paranormal experiences with ghosts and truly believe they exist.
13. 13 is my lucky number!
14. Spiders squick me out!
15. I hate yard work.
16. I was thrown from a horse when I was trail riding, nearly broke my back, and after many years of not riding, I want to ride again.
17. I love camping and hunting.
18. I used to do the Rendezvous, while I was a kid. I miss those days!
19. After nearly 10 years, I'm writing again.
20. I have a hard time understanding people and why people do things to hurt others.

April 27, 2018

What is your zodiac sign?

Luckily for me, I'm bi-cultural, so I have two zodiac signs.

In the western world, I'm a Sun Taurus, and in Eastern, I'm a Water Rat.

While both have good and bad points, as well as indications where they do NOT match me and my personality at all, I find that the Eastern zodiac is closer to who and and what I am than the Western.

The Eastern zodiac is also more in depth, gives greater details.

Also, as an FYI in regards to looking up your Eastern zodiac sign - it's not JUST what year you were born. Don't go by the Chinese take out menu's chart!!!

Chinese New Year does not fall on the same day every year, as it goes by the Lunar cycle, not Solar. The best way to find out is look up what day when the Chinese New Year fell on. If your birthday falls ON or AFTER that date, you are that zodiac sign. If your birthday falls before that day, you are the previous year's sign.

Example: 2018, Chinese New Year fell on February 16th, Year of the Dog. Your birthday is March 10th. You would be a Dog. If your birthday was February 2nd, you'd be the previous year's sign.

Now, go forth and explore!

What's your sign and does it match your personality?

April 22, 2018

Still pecking away at the keyboard.

Completely gutted the last two chapters I've written (seven and eight) of my WIP in order to walk it back and change directions.
Decided the two characters would not have been ready for romantic moment; my heroine was in a weak mind space and the hero wasn't ready to move past his own goals and plots.
He doesn't know it yet, but he's going to come to a rude awakening if he doesn't straighten up.

Still trying to establish his thoughts and his mindset. He's not easy to write. I have an image of him, and how he is, but converting this into written form is difficult.

Basically, he's an arrogant ass - but he has good reason to be. So, I need to make him more...hmm...not sinister, but along those lines. He's not evil, but he's the type to figure out what use you'd be to him before he lets you into his circle. Right now, he's plotting, but I don't think he realizes the trouble just yet with his plan.

Right now, my heroine is the key to his success, and they're both fighting it. There's attraction and suspicion, and soon there will be trouble, and a reckoning for him if he can't figure this out.

I'm not happy with the current word count. I might have to take a break from writing in order to go back and see what can be done to add to it in the individual chapters.

April 5, 2018

I'm back, and I'm alive.

After a year of silence, I'm back.

The past year has been difficult, with my depression and social anxiety. I've also seemed to have lost a friend I thought was close.

Ghosting hurts, people. Don't do it unless there's a real good reason - like they're toxic and you fear for your life, or something.

This wasn't the case, and I'm not sure what I did or said, but I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I suck as a person if I can't keep friends.

February, I took a much needed break from my life with a trip back to Taiwan with my Mom. One full month of escapism did some wonders on my confidence, my nerves, and my life. It's been 32 years since I was last back, to see family, and I didn't want to leave when it was time to go! I loved every moment there. However, I don't speak Taiwanese or Mandarin, I wouldn't be able to find a job, or a place to live, so it wasn't feasible to stay - plus my husband threatened (mostly joking) me with a divorce if I did not get on the plane.

In fact, I plan to return in two or three years time, a shorter trip and with my husband, but I do plan to go back.

Now that I'm back, I've been revitalized in my writing and have dug out a couple of old unfinished manuscripts. I've settled on one using Chinese and Taiwanese characters, sort of a combination of current time with some very old traditional ways and beliefs. This story might not get published because a lot of publishers do not want "diversity" or they'll want "whitewashed" characters. Worse, they may consider it "too Chinese" and reject it.

If that's the case, I'll just post it as a free read and move on. At least I'm writing again, and while it's been frustrating, the word counts aren't where I want them to be, I just keep telling myself I'm writing again!

Let me scream it to the universe! I AM WRITING AGAIN!

The title is yet to be determined - I have three options I keep going back and forth with - and currently, I'm on chapter five.

In the meantime, I'm getting my FB author page back into circulation.

http://www.facebook.com/IsobaelLiuAuthor/


If I can just keep the momentum going, I could finish!