and offically welcome you to SOL. Sorry, I didn't
say hi earlier in March, but I had college and
physics reasearch can sometime be a drag even
though it what I love to do.
Hello! Thanks for the welcome. =)
Anyways, I hope you don't mind, but I will be
sending you my comments on "Moonlight and Magick"
after every chapter.
Don't mind at all. I like receiving constructive criticism and feedback.
Starting of course with
Chapter 1. First the negative stuff, which
actually only like two things. 1) The whole bad
boy were-wolf thing who also like riding bikes is
a bit cliche. I don't mean cliche like "Native
American" werewolves, I mean cliche in that it has
been done and done for Werestories ... only about
2 times on SOL. (Actually when I check you less
cliche than I though >
I don't read most of the stories on SoL. In fact, I only have a couple of authors I do read, so I don't know what's been written. The motorcycles are actually a little homage to my husband who owned a motorcycle when we met. In fact, it was because if the bike that we met and eventually married. We love to ride, although it's been years.
<;;) Although, I thought
your somewhat muted romance and realism of the
scene was actually refreshing. So really in the
end I was not bothered that you used the were-wolf
biker cliche, I just wanted to point it out.
As a story that was intended to become a novel, rather than the usual short story/novella I usually write, I needed to space out the action and the romance. It didn't need to be hot and heavy from the get go, it had time to grow as they got to know one another better. =)
2) Ok the whole white stag thing reminded me
alot of J.K. Rowling. If it was a intentional
Harry Potter reference it can understand; however,
it was not but something deeper like mythology and
. Not only give the white deer name but actually
explain the mythology of it so we step beyond .
The white stag had nothing to do with Rowling. I don't read her books, never have and never will. On occasion, I'll watch the movies (my daughter loves the movies) but we do not own the books.
The white stag is a reference to the Fae and the Sidhe, symbolizing royalty and regality. The Sidhe (in my stories) are shapeshifters, they can assume any form they want with the use of their magicks, but the white stag was preferred by Amras. Actually, you'll learn more about that in the resulting chapters.
For example what about the fact that the male
wiccan God has the head of a stag, so the stag not
only represents "justice" in the Christian sense
but "order" like the Woten's spear sense. (Plus
the Christian over time got and convenced people
that it was a bull or goat as shown by the five
pointed star)
I'm not sure the Wiccan God had the head of a stag or just the horns. While I am Pagan, I am not Wiccan and do not prescribe to the Wiccan ideals. I do agree that the early Xtian church twisted the beliefs of the "heathens" in order to scare them into adopting the Xtian brainwashing.
Second, the good things: 1) The whole bloody
shirt/knuckles thing being a casual thing between
gang members was a hilarious, and a great parody
of what really happens with gangs.
As werewolves and descendants of Roman warriors, they relish the battle, the fight. Not necessarily killing, but to prove their skills in battles. Blood is merely a badge of honor. Blood is a part of their world.
At first I
though the seen should have been more gory,
however you uses of the "Faulkner" approach to
gothic/gory/rape is pretty good when you combined
it with the heroines there obvious Hematophobia.
I'm not sure about the Faulkner approach. LOL. I'm not even sure what that is. =) Lilian's experiences with blood always included pain, from her abuse with Stephan, the Custodes Secretum, and watching her foster mother be beaten to death in front of her.
Whatever muse or person inspired you with that
scene keep around for a long time!
No muse there. =) Simple emotional logic (if there's such a thing). Seeing and experiencing those horrors would form a sort of post traumatic stress tied to that catalyst. Hubby hears loud explosions and helicopters, it brings to mind his experiences in the Gulf and in Panama. Seeing blood recalls seeing Janie beaten to death and Stephan's abuse of her.
2) I think the
concept of more than one romance story or maybe
romantic trajedy was and is a great thing. I
throw readers like me slightly off when we see a
side-character like Maria to the main female lead
looking for love especially when it two or three
side characters.
I always try to round out the story with more than just the main characters. The real world has supporting characters, so should stories. It might not mean anything in the grand scheme of things and Maria might not be anything more than just a comedic secondary, but she exists. =)
P.S. I figure you already know this but the
"witches evil" five pointed star should always be
upside down so it looks like the a goat (when i
really should be a stag... I remember from
philosophy the Church got it wrong when they made
the male wiccan God the devil as a goat or bull
and not the stag).
The upside down pentagram is the banishing pentagram, used to banish negativity. The Xtians made it out to be evil.
Sincerly,
REMOVED
P.P.S. and while I am on the topic the yin-yang
symbol is actually a cleverly hidden scientific
data of the Chinese mapping of the shadows of a
stick over a year, which proves the earth orbits
the sun. Thus technically magic based on this
symbol does actually interfere with science. Of
course we don't call that stuff magic in the
Western sense but truelly the word "Chi" in the
Chinese sense.
*Grin* Good to know. I'm 1/2 Chinese and never knew that. =)
By the way, the symbol on her palm is neither the pentagram or the Yin Yang symbol. =)
